JOKE JOKE JOKE

[GenRam]

Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si
ZORRO!
Misis: E ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!
----------- ---------- ------------ -- ------------ - --------
Job interview:
Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis
niyo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit niyo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!
------------ -- ------------ ---- ------------ - ------------
Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko, kaya gusto
niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding
siya...
Jorge: Ano'ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo 'yung kabayo!
------------ ---- ------------ --- ------------ - ------------
Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.
------------ -- --------- ----------- ---------- ----------
Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:

Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!
-------- ----------- ----------- ------------ ------------
Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.
------------ ------------ ------------ -- ------------ -----------
3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na ** kama **:*

TANGA1: Pare, di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa, sa lapag na
lang matulog. (Bumaba si Tanga 1.)
TANGA2: Ayan, pare maluwag na, akyat kana dito!

************ ********* **
Dear Dodong,
Sa susunod anak, Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatang mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan niya sa pinadala mong Nivea Moisturing Milk...
Nagmamahal - Nanay
************ ********* **
ANAK: ' Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako
ng "cocomban".
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon "cocomban" pa rin ang tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper!
************ ********* ********* **
PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ako ng hearing
aid. Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko!
JUAN: Wow, galing! Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid?
PEDRO: Kahapon lang!
************ ********* ********* ******
At a funeral...

ERAP: Tara na, Jinggoy. Alis na tayo!
JINGGOY: Kararating pa lang natin a!
ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: "REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED."
************ ********* ********
Tanga 1: Ano bang hinahanap mo diyan sa supot ng 3-in-1
coffee. Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan.
Tanga 2: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa
karton "SUGAR FREE."
************ ********* *******
JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo 'tong puzzle!
PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?
JUAN: 5 months!
PEDRO: Tagal naman!
JUAN: Tagal ba 'yun? Nakalagay nga dito: "for 3 years & up"!

[ROBOCOP]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[ColDeploy]

nice one!!!

[ColDeploy]

Pinoy Names
PANGALANG PILIPINO ipinalit sa AMERICAN NAME:

Restituto Fruto - Tutti Fruti
Casimiro Bocaycay - Cashmere Bouquet
Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
Veneracion de Asis - Venereal Disease
Alfonso de Asis - Alzheimer's Disease
Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
Francisco Portero - Frank Porter
Juan Tampipi - John Samsonite
Victoria Malihim - Victoria's Secret
Eliutario Ignacio - Electronic Ignition
Bienvenido Jurado - Ben Hur
Juanito Lakarin - Johnny Walker
Esteban Pagtakhan - Stevie Wonder
Leon Mangubat - Tiger Woods
Burgos Reyes - Burger King
Ligaya Almundo - Joy Totheworld
Maria Natividad - Mary Christmas
Ligaya Anonuevo - Happy NewYear

[ColDeploy]

erap joke's

SUCK IT!!!
Erap went to US to have his aching thingy checked.. when he was already in the Dr's Clinic, the doctor examined his thingy then Erap just suddenly moaned and screamed "Sakit Doc" "Ohhh Sakit Doc, Doc C'mmon ang Sakit" the doctor was disgusted and said SUCK IT YOURSELF.. you pervert!!

[LTMac]

Saan binaril si Dr Jose P. Rizal?

Clue: B ang simula (Bagumbayan)

Sa Back?

O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay L (Luneta).

Sa Likod?

Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, gamitin natin ang kaniyang modern name - RP (Rizal Park).

Uh, sa Rear Part?

[LTMac]

Ano ang lugar na pinupuntahan ng mga tao tuwing Lingo?

Clue, nagsisimula sa letrang "L" (sagot: Luneta)

Laguna?

Hindi, mas malapit ito. Pinupuntahan ito ng mga magkasintahan.

La Loma?

Hindi, tahimik dito...

Libingan?

Hindi, malapit ito sa dagat.

Laot?

Hindeeee!!!!

[ColDeploy]

anyenye!!

[LTMac]

Sino ang National Hero na may estatwa sa Monumento?

Clue: Ang initials ng name niya ay AB (Andres Bonifacio).

Alex Boncayao.

Hindi, nagtayo siya ng samahan na marami ang sumapi.

Alex Boncayao Brigade?

[ColDeploy]

huwag kang maniniwala sa ibang tao

kasi baka mali ang advice nila

huwag ka rin maniniwala sa akin

kasi baka mali din ako

isa lang ang dapat mong paniwalaan!!!

REDHORSE!!!

Dahil " ito ang tama!!!"

[ColDeploy]

Every 2nd glass of beer reduces life by 5 minutes
Each sex trip increases life by 10 minutes.
So basic equation is:Ang lasenggo na mahilig sa sex matagal mamatay….

[ColDeploy]

A father was trying to teach his son about the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky curld up and died.

Father: all right son, what have you learned from the show???
Son: Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, hindi ka magkakabulate!!!!

[ColDeploy]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pan ts that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: ' Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......'




__._,_.___

.

__,_._,___